INNOVATIONS IN SPORT: Does it Make Good Sense to Hold Your Child Back a Year Before they Start School?
I wasn’t sure about what kind of response I would receive to this morning’s topic – that of holding one’s child back a year in school so that he/she can have an extra year to physically and emotionally mature.
For many ambitious sports parents, having one’s kid being one of the older, and hence most likely one of the bigger kids in class, gives them an automatic advantage.
Indeed, there are lots of studies that suggest that in school and on school teams, coaches and teachers instinctively turn to the older and bigger kids for leadership and also assume academic and athletic superiority. While that’s great for those kids, the oher kids in class who are younger or smaller sometimes develop a shyness or passiveness that may take years to overcome.
The phone calls on WFAN this AM started almost from the moment I mentioned the topic, and they kept pouring in for the entire hour. Clearly this is an issue for many parents that is a controversial one, with lots of observations and anecdotes from the callers on both sides of the topic. There was lots of mention of Malcolm Gladwell’s best-selling book OUTLIERS, which details a study that reveals that many current NHL players from Canada and Europe have birthdays in Jan, Feb, or March. That’s because the cut-off date for youth travel hockey teams is Dec. 31st, meaning that the kids who are born in the months right after that date are more likely to be bigger and stronger than their later-born peers. Those extra months of development allow these kids to become more dominant in their age bracket.
Put it this way. When you’re 44 or 45, that one year in age doesn’t make much of a difference in terms of athletics. But for a kid who’s just turned 6 but who has to play against kids who are almost 7, well, that can be a huge difference in terms of athletic ability.
At the end of the show, it was hard to get a real sense of how people felt about this. But I will say this: I asked whether anyone could think of a reason why, as a parent, you wouldn’t hold your kid back in school, and nobody had a good reason why not. It’s something to think about.
"The Sports Edge"
After much research, I held my son back in the 3rd grade. I didn’t do it specifically for sports, although he’s a good athete and has benefitted from the extra year. He was okay academically; it was most socially and emotionally that he seemed to struggle. His birthday is in August, so he was younger than most of his peers and definitely not at the same maturity level. There is a phenomenon called “summer birthday boys”, referring to boys who enter school younger and are unready emotionally and socially. Also, my son was adopted at age 3, and I learned that such kids can be a year or so behind their peeers developmentally. Before making the decision, I read extensively on the subject and talked to his teacher, principal, our counselor, and my mother, who was an elementary teacher for 40 years. I was worried when school started, but it soon became apparent that he was absolutely with the right peer group. Being one of the older kids seemed to make a big difference in his behavior. He had a very good year, improving behaviorally, academically and socially. Now he loves school. As far as sports, he joined an AAU travel team and is one of the best players on the team, which has been nationally ranked for the last 3 years. He is going into the 5th grade now, and completely on track. I now regard holding him back as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made when it comes to his best interest.
My younger son completed his first year of school last May. His 6th birthday fell just days before the end of school – which puts him relatively close to the August cutoff for Kindergarten.
Prior to starting school, he had already shown some early reading ability – recognizing sight words, sounds, and basic books. We didn’t see other options to sending him to Kindergarten – he had exhausted what he could do in preschool.
The first several weeks of school though were a struggle – he was emotionally challenged being away from home for a full school day. He had been to a preschool for 2 years, but it was a shorter day.
But as school went on – he really began to excel in reading and other activities. At the end of Kindergarten and over the summer, he’s been reading well above his grade level.
He’s also been selected to play now in the U8 Pre-Academy program at our Soccer club – although his age peers will be playing in U7 Rec.
He’s a younger sibling – so that probably holds some of his advantage (and highly competitive with his brother). For the record, his brother is at the upper end of his age group (he was 3 months shy of six when he started Kindergarten and has performed well in school as well).
It’s definitely a case of evaluating each child on their own merits – but as everyone holds their kids back any perceived age advantage decreases.
My son’s experience in youth baseball perfectly demonstrated
the differences experienced by playing as the oldest and youngest kid on a team.
Due to the difference in age cutoffs for Williamsport LL and our local school district,
he was amongst the oldest kids in his LL age grouping but amongst the youngest when he started school ball in 7th grade. In fact the effect was magnified in 7th grade because there were multiple kids who had been left back and were huge compared to my son. They could hit and throw harder, had more stamina, longer legs to run faster etc.
In LL my son got nothing but positive feedback in the intramural program, making the All Star exhibition game each year and playing on the summer All Star team most years.
On his 7th grade school team he sat on the bench often, not surprisingly.
What he learned (baseball and life lessons) is huge, from both programs.
Despite all the positive feedback from many intramural coaches, selection to the
summer team meant playing for dads who felt their time commitment meant their own
kids should play every inning of every game, despite coaches kids being no more talented and certainly not bigger/stronger than others. My son sat on the bench and even was cut one season. He had pinch runners put in for him, yet two short slow coaches kids never had a pinch runner put in for them. There was no advice the travel coaches could give my son. The message was “yes you played well in spring intramural, but my kids are playing now that I am in charge”, despite his size, skill and maturity advantage.
His first time on the school team, as a younger, physically smaller
player, without a dad coaching, was a whole new world. He sat on the bench, not because he was not a coaches kid, but because he needed to improve and compete at a higher level vs bigger, stronger kids. His coach told him he must hit better/harder to play more the next season. As a result, my son practiced every week all winter to get ready for the 8th grade team, hitting and pitching. The results were dramatic. Instead of having
one of the older kids, who had been held back, pitching most games, my son became the number one starter and his batting average shot up. After a month of spring training, same school coach who sat him in 7th grade had him as starter opening day in 8th grade.
He not only won, but pitched a 1 hit shutout, and was involved in every run his own team scored (RBI or as baserunner). One winter of growing and more importantly practicing, had elevated his game and shown that a higher level of competition forces one to raise their game.
So while I agree that his relative age advantage as a young kid kept a high level of interest in a sport due to positive feedback, it was the tough times that made him grow the most, including being one of the youngest on the team (and having an honest coach who pointed out his disadvantages and gave him a chance to do something to compensate).
Parents need to understand that challenges with negative feedback are just as important for development as positive feedback and accolades, that is, if you recognize the opportunity and take advantage of it. I consider my son lucky to have experienced both, the fun of being an all star, yet the pride of working harder to achieve real success. Playing up & down should be encouraged, not discouraged, to give kids a chance to have fun and to work hard. Our local baseball and basketball leagues plays 2 grades together, so every season you alternate older/younger, giving you excellent perspective in life and sports.
BTW I think I always benefited in school sports due to the advantage of my January birthday and it gave me confidence and a sense of accomplishment.