HOW DID WE GET TO WHERE WE ARE TODAY IN SPORTS PARENTING?
I want to ask you a basic question about the state of sports parenting… we all know that sports parenting has become incredibly complicated these days….whether it’s deciding what sport or sports your child is going to play, whether they should try out for a travel or club team, how do you decide which travel team to try out for, whether they really do need to specialize in a sport, and on and on…..in short, when you - as a parent -- decide to go down this pathway with your youngster, you have to know it’s going to be tricky and at times, a very challenging process.
So here’s my question….how in the world did we get here? And what are the underlying reasons why?
As you know, I often refer to sports parenting and how it was a generation or two ago, back when kids who liked sports went outside and played pick-up games….there were no parents involved….just kids playing touch football, or soccer, or basketball, or baseball.
True, some of this kid-driven activity still continues to this day….but certainly not to the extent that it used to be. Back in the day, Every neighborhood had kids playing pick-up games of one sort or another. It wasn’t until HS that one’s involvement in sports became more organized and, quite honestly, it involved the coaching by an adult….usually a coach at the school.
I can vividly recall that my own Dad came to see me play in a game when I was in the 5th or 6th grade…it was just a local youth league baseball game….I recall that game because I don’t think my dad – or any other sports parent – came to watch and observe any more games until my friends and I were in high school.
Again, that wasn’t upsetting or unusual…it was just the way it was. Parents had their own lives, and their kids were out playing ball on their own.
But of course these days – it seems that any serious sports parent is already out working with their 4 or 5 year old, getting them introduced to the basics of each sport…by the time the kid is 5 or 6, the parents are already lobbying to make sure their kid is being recognized as a rising star.
And then everything escalates from there, in terms of local travel teams, select teams, club teams, and on and on. Tryouts become much more nerve-racking, and everybody gets more tense as to whether their kid makes the cut.
This is not fun.
And my question is… why has this happened? Why have we allowed youth sports to become so pressurized, so competitive, and so challenging?
1 - Is it just because of the awareness of how much money a top professional athlete can make? Is that what’s driving the American obsession with sports parenting?
2 - Or is because we, as caring parents, simply want the very best in life for our youngsters – including sports – and if that means having to drive them to numerous practices and games each week, well, that’s a small price to pay. And speaking of a price to pay, of course all these sporting activities cost real money.
3 – Or Is there a deeper motivation at work here? That parents feel such pride in their little one being seen as a rising star that the Mom and Dad want to, in effect, show off their kid among one’s friends and peers in the neighborhood? A modern-day kind of conspicuous consumption? Is that a major driver
4 - Or is It all about college being the end goal? Many sports parents tell me that they realize that the chances of their kid going pro is a great but unreachable goal….but they do believe firmly that their young star has a real shot of perhaps earning a full or partial college athletic scholarship….or at the very least, being a top athlete will very much help their chances of being admitted into a top college…
All I know is this….sports parenting involves a huge commitment from parents today…and if you have more than one athlete in your family, the element of time and money becomes even more overwhelming.
Why? Why have we allowed ourselves to go down this pathway? The kids didn’t make this happen. We did!
Take a listen to today’s WFAN Sports Edge podcast to find out more: The Sports Edge with Rick Wolff
EXPLODING SOME OF THE BIGGEST MYTHS IN SPORTS PARENTING
Here’s the problem in short. Because the world of sports parenting continues to change so dramatically and so quickly, it’s become part of those parents who want only the best for their young athletes, but who unfortunately cling to old-fashioned, and in some cases, outdated “myths” of how to propel their kid to the next level of athletics.
Whether it’s how the 10,000 hour rule is misunderstood and often misapplied by parents, or how concerns about specialization in one sport continue to build but are often ignored by parents, or the harsh reality that only a very small percentage of kids are ever deemed good enough to garner a Division ! scholarship, the myths that surround sports parenting continue to exist. And it’s a shame.
The show this AM featured lots of high-energy responses from the callers. Please take a listen: The Sports Edge with Rick Wolff
ARE TODAY’S COACHES ADAPTING WHEN IT COMES TO COACHING YOUNG ATHLETES?
We’ve discussed a lot in recent weeks regarding whether young athletes today have the same kind of grit about them that perhaps previous generations of athletes had. And on today’s WFAN show, I went a little deeper into this conversation, mainly because it’s my sense that the coaching landscape has shifted dramatically in recent years, and that coaches - more than ever - have to know to connect with their athletes in a fresh and different kind of way.
On top of this discussion, the show ends with an interview with Kent Washington, author of a new book entitled KENTOMANIA: A Black Basketball Virtuoso in Communist Poland. Washington’s extraordinary personal story is all about grit, and how he pursued his dream of playing pro basketball after college, even if it meant playing in Poland where he didn’t know the language, culture, or quite frankly, anybody there. It’s a fascinating story. Listen here: The Sports Edge with Rick Wolff
WHY NOT ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION AND MAKE NECK GUARDS MANDATORY IN USA HOCKEY?
In light of the recent tragic death of the HS hockey player Teddy Balkind, I want to dig a little deeper into why protective neck guards are not mandatory in all youth and HS ice hockey…and specifically, why has USA Hockey been reluctant to make them mandatory, This is a controversy that has been around for a number of years, and the time has come to dig into it.
Now, let me say upfront that I have no idea whether Teddy was wearing a neck guard or not. And for those of you not all that familiar with the protective equipment in ice hockey, a neck guard is a strip of tough durable cloth, sometimes even made of nylon or Kevlar, that goes around the player’s neck with the purpose of protecting them from getting cut by a skate or a stick.
There are even some neck guard models that are just an extension of one’s undershirt, so it’s like wearing a turtleneck which is meant to protect one’s neck.
But there has been debate for many years as to whether neck guards really are effective in preventing injury. There is no universal rule about wearing them.
And as a result, we have a hodge-podge of rules and mandates as to whether hockey players have to wear them. It all depends on what league, or for that matter, even what country they play in. For example, while neck guards are not mandatory in all leagues in the US, they are mandatory at the amateur level in Canada and Sweden.
By the way, I should point out that all hockey goalies do wear neck guards since they are always in harm’s way regarding sticks, pucks, and skates in front of the net. Protection for them is just common sense.
Now , in some states in HS hockey, you do have to wear a neck guard. So If a kid takes the ice and a ref sees that you aren’t wearing one, you have to go off the ice and put one on. But in many leagues, including USA Hockey which oversees all youth hockey in this country, they are recommended, but not mandatory.
Let me give you a specific example of how complicated this all is:
In CT, for example, the CT Interscholastic Athletic Conf (the CIAC) -- the governing body of HS sports in that state - mandates that all HS hockey players in their conference wear neck guards. But curiously, for private schools in CT which are NOT part of the CIAC, that mandate does not apply. St. Luke’s where Teddy played, is part of that private school league.
You can imagine how confusing all of this is. But at the end of the day, why not err on the side of caution and make them mandatory?
According to most reports, the key issue usually boils down to whether protective neck guards really do work in preventing catastrophic injury. And even more so, experts argue that the odds of a player being cut by a skate in their neck is exceedingly rare. But yes, these accidents do happen. And not all of them are fatal. But I’ll let you decide. Listen to the callers from my WFAN show this AM and see what you would do if you have a son or daughter who plays ice hockey: https://www.audacy.com/wfan/podcasts/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge-209
RUNNING UP THE SCORE? SPORTS PARENTS ATTACKING REFS? WE NEED TO REDOUBLE OUR EFFORTS ON SPORTSMANSHIP
Well, it’s a New Year, but unfortunately, we’re still seeing some of the same old bad behavior continuing in the world of amateur sports.
It just amazes me – and yes, it disappoints and frustates me – that we can’t seem to get everyone on the same page when it comes behaving like true adults at our kids’ games.
And how about sportsmanship? Why do so many coaches continue to have a problem understanding that it’s not good sportsmanship to run up the score?
There was yet another outrageous example of running up the score against a hapless opponent in HS basketball last week. And then there was a nutty congressman from the state of Tennessee who ran out onto the gym floor during his son’s basketball game and tried to “pants” a ref….that’s right – he tried to pull the pants down on an official….I assume he thought that would a good way to embarrass the ref.
And there was the case a few weeks ago of an unhinged father at a basketball game who also ran out onto the floor during a game -- and smashed into a ref from behind, knocking him to the floor, and injuring him.
Now ….you know how I feel about these kinds of idiotic incidents….not only are they all preventable -- but since parents and coaches can’t seem to behave themselves, we really need to set up some strict punishments that will hopefully send a strong message not only to them, but to ALL parents and coaches so that they really need to think twice before acting out their selfish instincts.
Let me go into the details…
On the lopsided HS basketball score.
The Sacred Heart Academy varsity girls basketball team in CT defeated Lyman Hall HS in Hamden by a score of 92-4.
Sacred Heart Academy, 3-0 and ranked third in Connecticut, led 29-0 after a quarter, 56-0 at halftime and 80-0 after three quarters. Before the Lyman Hall game, the Sharks had also routed Stamford 83-48 and Shelton 80-37.
Afterwards, Sacred Heart Academy issued an apology and then suspended its head coach for one game as punishment. In my opinion, that’s simply not enough of a punishment. In the podcast below, you’ll hear what I think should have been handed down
And as for the Congressman from Tennessee who dashed out on the court to try and humiliate the ref? Well, he did release an apology, but shouldn’t he be doing more than just that? How do we know he won’t do this again? I mean, of course an apology is to be expected, but that’s just the start. An apology doesn’t excuse unacceptable behavior.
Again, I know how high emotions can run in watching kids’ sports. But as NJ Hall of Fame coach Jack Smithlin said on the show, “We need our coaches to step up and teach sportsmanship to our kids. We can’t assume that their parents are going to teach them how to behave - especially when the parents themselves are running out on the court and attacking refs.”
Here’s the link to the podcast:https://www.audacy.com/wfan/podcasts/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge-209/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff-1125074212
SUPERIOR ATHLETES HAVE GOD-GIVEN TALENT. BUT IS THE DRIVE TO COMPETE SOMETHING THAT CAN BE TAUGHT?
Here’s a question I’ve been debating for a long time: Are top athletes born with some sort of inner drive that pushes them to compete in their DNA?
The very best of the best all have great talent…BUT they all feel compelled and driven to win. Think of some of the biggest names in sports:
Michael Jordan…Tom Brady….Gordie Howe….Tom Seaver….Bob Gibson…Billie Jean King….Serena Williams…and there are many others….they all have great physical talent…but also had that desire to win all the time…they hated losing.
I even remember the NBA Hall of Famer Bob Pettit once wrote a book entitled “The Drive Within Me” about his personal competitive nature.
What do you think? Does such a genetic trait exist? Or can this drive be developed within a youngster by their parents or by a coach?
This question goes to the very heart of developing young athletes who have athletic ability and who clearly are drawn to sports. The question then becomes whether they have the inner desire to push themselves to want to put in the long hours (10,000 hours) to become a top flight athlete and reach their God-given potential.
The callers on my WFAN radio show were terrific. I urge you to take a moment to listen in: https://www.audacy.com/wfan/podcasts/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge-209/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff-1102448206
A TROUBLING TREND: WHY ARE FEWER KIDS PLAYING TEAM SPORTS?
There was a fascinating article this past week in the NY Times by Joe Drape, who’s a top flight sports writer and who has been on my WFAN show in the past, and as I recall, he’s a sports parent as well. In any event, he wrote an excellent and unsettling piece about how the number of youngsters playing organized sports continues to decline.
According to the Sports & Fitness Industry Association – which the main association of youth and travel team sports in this country -- participation in youth sports has been declining, and has been going down even before Covid-19.
To wit, in 2018, only 38 percent of children ages 6 to 12 played team sports on a regular basis. That’s down from 45 percent in 2008. That’s a substantial drop in the number of kids playing team sports.
And again, that study was done in 2018 – which means that it reflects a drop in participation before Covid hit.
In other words, Icould understand a main decline in youth team sports due to Covid cancelling so many games and practices. But that’s not the main reason why. So what are the reasons why more and more kids are not staying with sports?
I find this a bit both confusing – and alarming.
For starters, there’s a famous study out of Michigan State from some years ago that showed that 74% of all athletes quit playing sports by the time they were 12 or 13. That’s been accepted as the general rule of thumb for years.
But I’m getting the sense that there’s a major shift taking place.
I can point to several factors:
Let’s start with the sports parents. I have a sense that more and more Moms and Dads are beginning to ask themselves whether it’s really worth the time, effort, and expense to put their kids into youth sports, especially travel or club teams. That is, parents may be asking themselves when their kid is 9 or 10 that if he or she really isn’t a superstar in the making, they decide to let their kid drop out.
In other words, for a certain percentage of sports parents, perhaps they aren’t as “hard core” as sports parents were from a generation ago.
Then there’s the kids themselves. Most of us have grown up during an era when the sports that offered the most fun included traditional sports like football, basketball, baseball, and so on. But there’s a new game in town, and it’s the younger generation – the kids – who ‘s driving it – the explosive popularity of egames.
Online video games – which were already popular – became even more popular during Covid because kids could play remotely and compete and play with their friends. Plus the action is fast=paced, and you really don’t need a lot of manual skill or long-term coaching to play the games.
And in many cases, it’s the younger parents who play and compete with their kids. So it’s become a family activity.
The fact that kids can play online with their friends and buddies in terms of electronic game competition with Playstations and Xboxes has made the “social” aspect of egames even more attractive. That is, kids are now playing with other kids without having to be in their physical presence.
What does all of this mean?
Hard to say at this point, but one thing is clear….the landscape of youth sports is changing, and apparently changing rapidly. The callers on this podcast all brought unique and thoughtful perspectives. Take a listen:
https://omny.fm/shows/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff-86
WHAT WILL BE THE TRUE IMPACT OF NIL IN AMATEUR SPORTS? WILL EVERYBODY CASH IN?
I want to come back to the growing issue of Name, Likeness, and Image (NIL) and how it relates to athletes, because this is truly a bold new frontier for amateur athletes at all levels, and I want to share with you some interesting developments.
The concept is actually quite simple….for years and years, if you played sports at the collegiate level, you were simply not able to be involved in any kind of endorsement deal in which you were paid for your services or appearances. If you did, and money was exchanged, you would totally run the serious risk of not only losing your college eligibility as an athlete, but if you were on athletic scholarship, that would go up in smoke as well.
As you might imagine, ALL college athletes took this very, very seriously. And of course, HS athletes were never tempted to take any money. But then, over the last few years, the Name, Likeness, and Image issue came into sharp focus with the NCAA and with college athletes around the country, and suddenly, the long-standing NIL limits were lifted.
And now, as you know, we have college athletes cashing in big ways with these NIL deals. So far, so good, right?
But we also know that HS athletes – and their parents – have been watching all of this unfold and they are wondering if they too might be able to cash in. For example, in perhaps the most notable example reported last year was the curious case of the top Texas HS QB who graduated from HS early so that he could enroll at Ohio State as a freshman…. AND by doing so, he could cash in on NIL money allegedly worth close to $1.4 mil.
The kid’s name – Quinn Ewers – played on the Ohio State football team this fall, but he didn’t play much. From what I could find, he got in for only two snaps all season and didn’t throw a pass. And then a few weeks ago, he announced he was transferring out of OSU to the Univ. of Texas.
According to reports, OSU refused to promise Ewers that he would be the starting QB in 2022, and I’m sure that was a major factor in the kid’s decison to tranfer. After all, I would imagine that the coaching staff at Ohio State is pretty happy with their current QB, redshirt freshman CJ Stroud.
So, just to be clear. The Ewers kid skips his senior year and graduates from HS early in Texas because that was a state that didn’t allow HS athletes to accept NIL money…..and he goes off to college, where NIL is legal. But when he gets to Ohio State, he sits on the bench behind CJ Stroud all year.
And even though he rarely played at OSU, the Ewers kid is still able to collect more than a million dollars in NIL money for basically playing two downs and not even throwing a pass.
As the saying goes, pretty good work if you can get it.
Also speaking of the Univ of Texas, it’s been reported that a bunch of their football linemen have banded together and will be doing an NIL deal in which they will be asked to make some appearances at some charitable events. It’s not clear yet what these charitable causes will be. In exchange for these efforts – which is being funded by wealthy Univ of Texas alums who will provide the money - provides an annual payment of $50,000 to each lineman.
Again, pretty sweet. So the football players, who are pretty much not well known, will get their full athletic scholarships AND pocket $50k a year in NIL money. Cynics are already suggesting that this is just another added recruiting attraction for the UT program. In effect, free money.
Now….I’m quite sure every top HS athlete all across the country and their parents are watching all of this, and are doing their best to figure out ways as to how they can cash in as well. And who can blame them?
And by the way, it’s not just HS athletes – but also most likely middle school athletes as well. And let’s not forget kids who have bypassed HS sports and play exclusively on travel and club teams.
My overall question for you today is….where is this all headed? And who’s overseeing all of this? Is this all good? Or will this go off the rails? Listen to what was said on the Sports Edge this AM:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff/id1276712372?i=1000545420373
THE ONGOING CONTROVERSY REGARDING TRANSGENDER ATHLETES: THE CURIOUS CASE OF UPENN SWIMMER LIA THOMAS
By my count, we’ve devoted at least 4 or 5 shows over the last few years to the difficult issue of transgender athletes, and how complicated this topic is when it comes to finding a fair and reasonable solution for all involved.
Now, I know that some sports shows are just beginning to either discover this issue, or perhaps they aren’t aware that this has been a concern for some time.
But regardless, taking a larger perspective, I do think it’s safe to say that this controversy is not going to go away soon. And as such, as I mentioned in my tweets this week, the leaders of HS and collegiate sports are going to have to sit down and try and come up with some new solutions that is fair to all the athletes.
Of course, the latest headline in this discussion is this case of senior swimmer at the Univ of PA, Lia Thomas, who over the last few weeks, has set all sorts of records in her swim meets. She’s been so good and so dominant that if she continues with her accomplishments, she’s on her way to being named as an All-American in NCAA swimming.
The debate, of course, focuses on the fact as recently as two years ago, Lia Thomas – then a male - was on the men’s team at Penn, and competing as a male. And by all accounts, he was a pretty good swimmer.
Under a long-standing NCAA rule, she followed the medical rules and policy about changing one’s gender, and in order to compete, she had to sit out a full year while she underwent a systemic routine of drugs that suppressed her body from generating testosterone while undergoing sex change surgery.
Once she had completed all the requirements, Lia Thomas was then cleared to compete as a woman in NCAA swim meets.
But detractors have claimed the NCAA policy is both outdated and shortsighted; that is, because Thomas had already matured through the key developmental years as a teenager, that Thomas’s body fully benefited from all the traditional male growth effects, that is, he’s big, strong, and has built up strong muscles to support his male athletic body.
Critics point out that just because he has transitioned to being a woman in college does NOT necessarily negate his physical size and muscle strength. As such, he now has become a real force in NCAA women’s swimming.
That’s the basis of this current debate when it comes to transgender athletes. On today’s show, I do a little history going back to the case of Dr. Renee Richards, the tennis player, who transitioned after a being a star member of the Yale’s men’s tennis team, and talk about the parallels with Lia Thomas’ situation. Take a listen: The Sports Edge with Rick Wolff
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF COPING WITH INJURIES: WHAT EVERY SPORTS PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW
I want to follow up and continue from last Sunday’s discussion of what parents and coaches can say or do when it comes to trying to help their athlete cope with an injury that suddenly takes them out of the games and puts them on the sidelines.
We had just gotten into a conversation about this topic last week when we ran out of time.
But judging from the response I received over the last few days, this is an issue that is of real concern to sports parents – especially when their athlete has hopes and dreams of being recruited for college to play sports.
Among the various issues, what can a HS athlete do when he’s eager to show his or her talents to college coaches – and suddenly, the youngster gets hurt….maybe an ACL…or a torn labrum…or a concussion. We all know that physical injuries can come in all different forms….but what does the athlete do when he or she has to confront it?
Do they tell prospective college coaches about their injury? Will college coaches become more iffy about recruiting the kid? If a scholarship offer has already been made, is the college still obligated to keep that in force?
But more than that, what about the athlete him or herself? They all know that they have only so many years to play HS sports….and now their season is derailed by an injury.
How do they cope with that? How do you, as a parent, cope with that? For example, we all know that females are between 4-5 times more likely to tear an ACL more than men. Look at any women’s college soccer team and chances are that half of them are wearing knee braces. And kids who undergo Tommy John surgery on their arms as teens? The full recovery is only about 75%.
So how do these athletes cope with knowing their athletic career could be derailed due to an injury?
Let’s start with the psychology of being hurt.
If you’re a parent, if your son or daughter has been hurt in their sport to the point where they have to sit out several weeks due to an injury, you know first hand how difficult it can be to keep your kids’ spirits up.
As noted, It could be pretty much any kind of injury that keeps your kid out of the line-up on game day, and from practicing during the week. And if the injury involves surgery, chances are the kid is going to be out for the season, first undergoing the surgery, and then having to go through multiple sessions of physical therapy.
Instead of focusing on the big game coming up, now suddenly they find themselves at home, recuperating from surgery and trying to figure out what will happen next in their sports career.
Coping with an injury can trigger all sorts of concerns for your athlete and you need to know that…..will they get better? How long will it take? How will I know when I’m good to go? How do I react with my teammates and coaches? Do I still go to practice, even though I know I can’t play?
These are the kinds of basic and troubling questions that ALL injured kids wonder about, but unfortunately, they really aren’t offered much in the way of guidance. Just a few pats on the back, and they’re told to get better soon. That is, the focus is more on the physical aspects of the injury, rather than on the psychology of what the kid is experiencing.
Young athletes can get angry, depressed, or even non-communicative as the team and their teammates move on with the excitement of the season -- and they’re suddenly on the sidelines through no fault of their own.
As a parent, what do you do? What do you say? Just offer the youngster bland comments like, “Don’t worry – you’ll be into action soon.”
The truth is, when your kid gets injured and can’t play, It’s really hard for everyone involved. And of course, injuries aren’t something you can ever plan for….they just happen. And then your kid’s life is turned upside down. We had some very perceptive calls and comments on the show this AM. Take a listen: https://www.audacy.com/wfan/podcasts/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge-209/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff-1010803700
MORE HAZING: WHY CAN’T WE STOP THIS BARBARIC PRACTICE?
As you may recall, on last week’s show, we talked about a serious hazing incident with the Wall Township (NJ) HS football program, which is now being investigated by the Monmouth County Police Department. The football team’s schedule was shut down, coaches were suspended, students had their lives disrupted, and on and on. Just a terrible cascading of negative consequences simply because a handful of selfish, short-sighted, and cruel kids on the football team didn’t think about the consequences of their actions on one of their younger teammates.
As noted last Sunday, it’s just so frustrating that these hazing incidents continue to occur at the HS level…and we continue to struggle to find a way to stop and prevent them. Even worse, hazing continues to happen not just around here, but all over the country.
Case in point. Perhaps the most powerful HS football team in the country – the legendary Mater Dei HS program out in Southern California -- made headlines this past week for all the wrong reasons.
If you haven’t heard about this, let me share some of the details with you.
This case – at least the way I understand it – presents a new kind of twist on HS hazing. And it explains in part why the school defends itself by saying it’s taking the accusations seriously….but no one from the football team is being held accountable. At least not yet.
In short, there’s a kind of accepted and understood practice of the younger football players asking to take on some of the larger and stronger upperclassmen on the team by challenging to a physical game of what’s known as “Bodies” or “Slapping.”
This is where the two football players line up and face each other – they are not in pads – and trade hard body blows to each other’s torso, until one of them finally gives up from the beating. Invariably, it’s the younger and smaller player who surrenders. But only after he’s “proven” to the older player that the younger player is worthy of enduring all sorts of punches and hits to their torso. Again, these are not mere taps or passing shots. These are real, solid, punches to each other.
And in this particular case, where a younger player was seriously injured, according to numerous major media accounts, none of other football players who witnessed this beating did anything to step in and stop this barbaric activity. That’s what I find so extraordinary. What they did do was video record the assault.
The entire episode has a kind of “well, boys will be boys” kind of feel to it, and from what I can tell from the media accounts, no one has faced any kind of disciplinary action.
No names are being revealed since the boys are all minors, but a younger player – who weighs 175 pounds – basically endured a Bodies session with an older football player who outweighed him by more than 50 pounds.
There was the usual beating and trading of punches. But then the younger boy began to get hit numerous times in the fact, suffering a broken nose, a couple of deep lacerations around his eyes, and even worse, there are reports of traumatic brain injury from the pummeling to his head.
According to the kid’s lawyer, there’s ongoing pain, slurred speech, and cognitive dysfunction. The boy has since transferred out of Mater Dei and his family has filed a lawsuit against the school.
The lawsuit complaint adds that legendary Mater Dei head football coach Bruce Rollinson is well aware of the hazing rituals that goes on in his program.
Rollinson is alleged to have told the victim’s father that the head coach was in an untenable position as far as disciplining the attacker was concerned. That’s because, according to the lawsuit, the attacker’s father was an assistant football coach at Mater Dei. In addition, “If I had a hundred dollars for every time these kids played Bodies or Slappies, I’d be a millionaire,” Rollinson told the victim’s father, the lawsuit claims.
Now, that, of course, sounds more than a bit odd.
All I can assume is that, at this school, there’s an unwritten expectation that all new football players need to undergo a barbaric rite of passage called Bodies…that part of their culture is that it’s expected that the younger players need to go through this beating in order to gain the respect of their older teammates.
As a result, because the kid in effect “volunteered” for this confrontation, the local police didn’t file any charges. In effect, he brought the injuries onto himself.
Now, bear in mind that Mater Dei is one of the country’s most powerful high school football programs. Over the years it has produced two Heisman Trophy winners and many NFL players and dozens of top college players. In fact, this season, Mater Dei is the country’s top-rated HS football team, according to rankings by USA Today and the high school sports website MaxPreps. They just finished their season going 11=0 and pretty much steamrolling their opponents.
So the question remains: How could this practice be allowed? What were the coaches thinking? How is this possible?
Again, Is it allowed because it’s become expected of the younger players to step up and ask for this treatment? That their football program culture not only condones this nonsense, but basically puts it on the younger players to ASK for it? Does that somehow make this violent behavior acceptable?
I don’t get it….and the bigger question is: does this kind of mentality exist in other HS programs around here and around the country? Take a listen to this AM’s Sports Edge: The Sports Edge with Rick Wolff
WHY CAN’T WE FINALLY PUT AN END TO AtHLETES HAZING THEIR YOUNGER TEAMMATEs?
Well, It has happened yet again. If you follow the headlines in HS sports, you are most likely well aware that yet another serious hazing incident has occurred, this one in Wall Township, NJ.
Hazing is just so incredibly hurtful and destructive in so many ways….but to me, the two biggest questions are: why does this kind of thing continue to happen – and why can’t we get HS kids to stop doing this?
I want to have an in-depth discussion with you as to why this vicious pattern of adolescent behavior continues, as it has for decades in HS sports….and is there truly any way of stopping and preventing hazing from happening? There are all sorts of proposed explanations and theories, but sadly, none of them seem to work.
And there are other ancillary questions as well….for example, if only a handful of athletes are involved in the hazing incident, why should the rest of the innocent kids on the team be forced to see their season get cancelled? Is that fair?
Is it fair for the entire coaching staff to be held responsible for these abhorrent actions?
And what about the role of the parents? After all – it’s their kids who are actively involved in doing this noxious crime…aren’t the parents somehow to blame for not doing a better job in teaching their kids about the evils of hazing?
This is clearly a most unsettling and disturbing issue….and the sobering and scary truth is, hazing can occur in just about any school district in the country.
The current school under fire is Wall Township HS in NJ and its football program. But over the years, we have talked about hazing incidents at a number of towns and programs, including Sayreville HS in NJ, Mepham HS on Long Island, the Univ of Vermont men’s ice hockey team, and too many more.
Let’s start with what we know in Wall Township and its football program.
Very little detailed information has been released by the administration and school board there. They say the entire matter has been handed over to the police in Monmouth County, and they are conducting the investigation.
But according to various media outlets, allegedly about half a dozen juniors on the football team overpowered and pinned down a sophomore player and at least threatened to sodomize him with a broomstick. It’s unclear how serious the assault with the stick actually was. There is also apparently a video of this incident taken on a cellphone which has been seen by a few individuals, but has not been released to the general public.
This attack allegedly took place in the boys’ lockerroom which was unsupervised at the time.
The upshot was that the Wall football team had to cancel and forfeit its state semi-final playoff game, and then a few days later, it also cancelled its traditional Thanksgiving game against its cross-town rival.
Parents are, of course, upset…angry…and outraged. Some want to know how this could ever happen, as in, there are 13 coaches on the football team…why wasn’t one of them in the locker room so that this kind of thing couldn’t happen? And ironically, I understand that 3 of the football coaches are local cops.
At least one coach is supposed to be in the lockerroom to oversee all the kids and to prevent these kinds of incidents…in much the same way a teacher would never leave their classroom unattended.
Other parents don’t understand why the school just doesn’t punish the main offenders…just kick them off the team – and allow the rest of the kids who were not involved in the incident to keep playing. Is it fair to cancel the rest of the season for all the other players on the team just because a few of them are jerks? Is that fair or the right thing to do?
Other parents are angry and claim that the school hasn’t been forthcoming with more details about the hazing…and that is making the situation even worse. The AD at Wall has been put on leave, as have the coaches. In short, the football season has come to a sharp end.
But the biggest question remains is this: Why does HS athletic hazing continue to occur over and over again? Mind you, Wall Township is just the latest in a long, long line of hazing incidents. Take a listen to this show on this worrisome issue: https://www.audacy.com/wfan/podcasts/rick-wolff-the-sports-edge-209/the-sports-edge-with-rick-wolff-964437803
A TOUGH WEEK FOR SPORTSMANSHIP
The past couple of weeks we’ve seen an uptick of very disturbing incidents in the world of youth and HS sports, and most of them dealt with a true lack of sportsmanship. I did a round-up of these alarming sports parenting incidents and asked for listeners to chime as to what can be done to prevent these kinds of callous acts from happening in the future.
Specifically, we discussed:
Media reports of a serious HS football hazing incident at Wall HS in NJ. Wall has a long and rich history of being a top football powerhouse, but they were forced to cancel their state championship playoff game due to the hazing issue.
A HS football team in California ran up the score to 106-0 over a hapless opponent. They even went for a two-point conversion when the score was 104-0.
50-60 HS students at an ice hockey game were taped shouting obscenities and profanities at the opposing team’s goalie, who happened to be a girl. No adult or security officer or even coaches or refs tried to stop the verbal onslaught.
Is Odell Beckham’s Dad use of social media to complain about his kid not getting any passes thrown to him going to set a new precedent for sports parents to complain about their kid not getting enough playing time?
Wow – what a week! And the bigger question is…is there an overall lesson to be learned here? Why do these kinds of incidents continue to happen?
Take a few minutes to listen to the podcast here. It’s shocking stuff, all ripped from the headlines.
DONATING TO KIDS IS ALWAYS IN SEASON
Donating to Youth: A Message to Parents and Coaches
By Doug Abrams
With the season’s first snowflakes about to fall and Thanksgiving around the corner, the time is fast approaching when many youth-sports parents and coaches will consider making one or more charitable donations before the federal and state tax year closes on December 31.
These considerations depend, of course, on the potential donor’s financial circumstances and family obligations. Many adults receive more charitable solicitations than they can satisfy, and many families must carefully manage the household budget these days.
Inside and outside of sports, however, donations from parents and coaches can make a profound difference for worthwhile tax-exempt organizations that serve less fortunate youth and their families. This column surveys these organizations.
Some Traditional Youth-Oriented Charities
Some sorts of local and national sports-related causes stand out year after year as worthy recipients of private donations to youth in need. At the local level, for example, private youth sports associations, public school districts, or public parks and recreation departments may welcome financial support or new or used playing equipment. These donations can help financially distressed families afford to enroll their children in sports, and can enhance the quality of sports participation by all children.
Beyond localities, national sports governing bodies may maintain charitable initiatives devoted to equal opportunity for under-served populations. Because hockey is my sport, the USA Hockey Foundation, maintained by USA Hockey, comes immediately to mind.
Outside the sports realm, a wide array of community-based organizations such as ones affiliated with United Way or the community chest accept donations that advance youth well-being.
Children’s hospitals typically accept gifts for research, equipment, and other direct medical enhancements. These hospitals also accept donations to create or maintain programs that provide toys, games, parties, and similar emotional supports to help make sick or injured children’s hospital stays more bearable. One such program is Happiness For Health, which I endowed at the University of Missouri Children’s Hospital in 2001 with royalties from the books I have written.
These examples are suggestive, and not exhaustive, of opportunities that await parents and coaches who are motivated to help improve children’s lives before and during the Holiday Season. With sufficient time to plan, adults can make sound decisions about how to make their charitable dollars work the greatest good inside or outside youth sports.
COVID-19 and the Continued Spotlight on Food Banks and Food Pantries
Although the sorts of organizations and initiatives that serve needy children tend to create familiar patterns from year to year, the landscape has changed dramatically since early 2020 with the onset and persistence of the COVID-19 pandemic.
On Rick Wolff’s blog last year, I urged parents and coaches to help counter the pandemic’s ill effects by donating to a local food bank or food pantry that feeds hungry families and their children. I repeat the message here.
Uncomfortably high child hunger rates have posed a national dilemma for decades. COVID-19, however, immediately threatened parental unemployment, home and apartment evictions, and other personal adversities that depleted the incomes and savings of families who had always played by the rules and had done nothing wrong. Children who fell into unexpected poverty struggled with hunger despite government nutrition programs, school meals, and help from private providers. Some of these hungry children were playing sports, and many were not. But children who played sports held no monopoly on help from parents and coaches who were fortunate enough to avoid dire circumstances. Hungry children are hungry children.
Some promising COVID signs dot the horizon today, but food banks and food pantries continue to grapple with serious pediatric need. On the promising side of the ledger, the Urban Institute reports that “household food insecurity fell by nearly 30 percent between spring 2020 and 2021.”
In April, 2021, however, the Institute underscored the continued pressing need: “As the COVID-19 pandemic wears on, many families with young children have faced and continue to experience an overwhelming amount of material and economic hardship and food insecurity. This not only creates distress in the short term but has significant implications for children’s longer-term well-being and development. Although data may show a recovering economy and decreases in unemployment, stories from parents with young children highlight how hardship endures because of instability in work hours, disruptions to child care, and barriers to food access.”
With a Google search, readers can quickly find the name and address of the local food bank or food pantry.
Filling Buckets
“. . . But would my $25 charitable donation really matter? Or would it simply be a drop in the bucket?”
“Every dollar makes a difference,” says former New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, “and that’s true whether it’s Warren Buffett’s remarkable $31 billion pledge to the Gates Foundation, or my late father’s $25 check to the NAACP.”
In his fable, The Lion and the Mouse more than two thousand years ago, Aesop focused primarily on the impact of giving on recipients: Aesop’s moral?: “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
In our own times, poet Maya Angelou reminded us that whatever the size, a charitable donation also pays the donor rich dividends: “Among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.”
The bottom line? Buckets that collect seemingly small donations can fill to the brim and serve their intended purposes. Regardless of the size of the gift, the donor and the recipient each prospers.
Sources: University of Missouri Children’s Hospital, Happiness For Health Endowment, https://www.muhealth.org/giving/how-your-gift-helps/specific-needs-at-childrens-hospital; Urban Institute, Elaine Waxman et al., Food Insecurity Has Improved Since 2020, but the Work Isn’t Done Yet (Urban Inst. June 7, 2021); Urban Institute, Elaine Waxman & Poonam Gupta, Stories of Hardship From Families With Young Children as the COVID-19 Pandemic Persists Urban Inst. Apr. 27, 2021); PlannedGiving.com, https://plannedgiving.com/resources/wise-sayings-giving-quotes-on-philanthropy/# (quoting Bloomberg and Angelou); Aesop, The Lion and the Mouse, Aesop’s Fables: A Classic Illustrated Edition, p. 38 (1990).
THE running show
Today is the 50th anniversary of the NYC Marathon, which has amazingly grown from 127 participants in the very first race (which basically was run around Central Park), and which cost individuals $1 to sign up and run. These days, of course, it’s become a national and international event, and a great source of NYC pride, with thousands and thousands of runners taking part in the 5 borough run.
For the last 10 years, I have asked highly-regarded and well-respected running coach Joel Pasternack — a veteran of both the NYC and Boston Marathons - to come on the air and provide tips and expert insights on long-distance running. Joel talks about everything from what to wear in a long distance race, to whether “carbo loading” is the right nutrition the night before the race, to how to find the right running shoes, what’s the right way to tie the laces, to the importance of stretching both before and after the race, and much more. His insights are especially helpful for sports parents who have kids who run as teenagers in HS and middle school.
Plus there’s a discussion as to why runners seem to enjoy a kind of unique camaraderie with their fellow runners. Yes, they all want to compete and win, but there’s just something unique and happy about runners.
This is always one of the most popular shows each year, and when you hear Joel, you’ll understand why. See link below:
the differences between coaching boys and girls
Title IX was passed in 1972, close to 50 years ago. And it totally changed the landscape for all athletes in a wonderful and positive way. Several generations of young athletes have grown up since that law was passed, and all of them fully accept total equality between the sexes.
But what’s curious is there have been lingering questions over the years as to whether boys and girls really need or ought to be coached in different ways according to their gender. In this podcast, I go through a recap summary of two highly successful college soccer coaches on this very issue: Anson Dorrance, the legendary UNC women’s soccer coach, has won an astounding 21 NCAA championships over the years. But before he only coached the women, he also coached the men’s team at UNC. In 1987, he was named as the NCAA Men's Soccer Coach of the Year. I also present the coaching insights from former BC women’s soccer coach, Alison Foley, who also led a most successful program.
Their observations on coaching men and women are not only fascinating, but may seem to be a bit jarring. In short, as far as both of these two top coaches are concerned, not only are there significant differences when it comes to coaching men and women, the simple truth is that if you don’t take the time to pay attention to these differences, you will most likely run into some real communication and motivational issues. You won’t be able to connect with your players.
The point is, if you’re a sports parent, or if you’re a youth, HS, or travel team coach, you need to pay real attention to the way in which you interact with your players. Whether it’s a simple act of singling out a girl to praise her in front of the team, or knowing how to speak effectively with your players, or listening to the critical tone of your voice, I found this information and counsel to be fascinating - and most helpful.
I’m quite sure you will find this podcast to be most entertaining and instructive.
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WHY EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT TRAVEL TEAMS
The way it works these days in American sports, if your son or daugter shows any kind of athletic talent when they’re a youngster, then very quickly you will hear of a local travel, select, or club team that you might want your child to try out for and play on. This is very exciting and usually brings great joy to you and your child.
But as you’ll hear in this podcast, first and foremost you need to do your homework about these programs. For starters, know that these travel teams usually charge fees to not only try out, but also, if your child makes the team, you will agree to pay a substantial amount of money to the coach and his/her organization for your youngster to be on that team.
Now, suddenly, you’ve entered into a business relationship. And the good news is that most travel/club programs are run well by coaches who are dedicated and who care about the kids on the team, and know how to teach and coach them. But as you’ll hear on this podcast, you have to first find out more about the team, its reputation, the coaches and their background, talk to other parents who played on the team the year before, and much more. Find out about the time commitment, how many practices and games, what happens if your child misses a practice or game. Find out how the tryouts are run, and whether there are certain kids who have already been promised a slot on the team. Find out if any kids from the B team are ever promoted to the A team, and if they are, do they get substantial playing time on the A team or just ride the bench?
There are all sorts of questions, and I’ve done my best to try and run through a bunch of them. Most of all, I try to warn parents that if you’re going to spend thousands of dollars on a travel team for your child, understand that once you write the check, it’s hard to change things if it’s not a pleasant or positive experience for your youngster. In short, better to ask all the right questions up front - and if the coach seems to be bothered or annoyed with your questions, perhaps that tells you what you need to know about that coach and their team.
THE THORNY ISSUE OF PLAYING TIME
Continuing our conversation this AM about bad coaches, and what we can do as sports parents to prepare our kids who end up playing on their teams.
Perhaps the one aspect that drives sports parents truly nuts is when they don’t feel their kid is getting enough playing time in the games.
Now, this issue has changed for the better a little bit for the better in recent years – I’ll explain in a moment – but it is still a huge issue. And playing time all starts with the head coach.
In my opinion, from the head coach’s perspective, they are often torn between their own competitive impulse and desire to want to win the game — and as such, they are often very, very reluctant to sub their starters with their second or third line players. Even worse, if the game continues to be close in terms of the score, many coaches – especially the inexperienced ones – tend to focus much more on the game’s final outcome and often overlook or even forget about getting all the kids into the contest.
Now, this is always very, very tricky….but I will tell you this: that the very best coaches always make it part of their game preparation strategy to somehow get their second stringers into the game – even if only for a few minutes.
Why? Because it’s important to make every kid on the team feel that they are contributing in some way. Nobody wants to sit on the bench for the entire game. And good coaches know this.
Bad coaches, on the other hand, don’t seem to get this concept, or want to follow it. What happens? The kids who rarely get into the games become discouraged and angry - as do their parents. This is not a good formula to follow if you, as the coach, want to keep your team happy and motivated.
So what are the best times to play your second stringers? No, not just when the score is out of reach and it’s a lopside game. Rather, get them into the first half of the game for a couple of minutes, and pay attention to how they perform.. If they show real promise, keep them in.
Remember, if the youngster was good enough to make your team, then he or she should be good enough to at least get into a game to break a sweat and feel as though they are part of the total team effort. That’s good for them, and it’s good for the team.
I mentioned how playing time has changed in recent years. In youth hockey, for example, in many leagues, each shift is timed as two minutes, so that the coach knows – and the kids and their parents know – that they are going to change lines every two minutes. This kind of routine not only reinforces to the coach to make sure not to burn out his first line players, but it also reinforces that it’s a total team sport – every kid gets onto the ice.
In hoops, there are now rotations so that all the kids know that the coach is going to put into the second line of players throughout the game as well. Again, it reinforces that this is a team game—and that everybody should be ready to play in the game.
What have you seen with your kids? Take a listen to the various calls from today’s podcast.
Personal stories of sports parenting frustrations
My wife Trish suggested I share some of the difficult experiences that she and I went through in terms of guiding our three kids through youth and HS sports. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. And even though I touch on only a few such experiences in this podcast of my WFAN show, there are lots of other stories that I didn’t get to — but the frustrations of sports parenting always were never far from my heart. Sports parenting is never easy, and it’s only become more complicated in recent years. Take a listen.
Here’s how to stop out of control parents at our kids’ games
On this AM’s show, I discussed an issue that we have covered, analyzed, and dissected many times on this show over the years, and yet…..every time another ugly incident pops up in the headlines, I feel a compulsion to go back and discuss it with sports parents and coaches yet again.
I’m talking about out of control parents at their kids’ games. Those parents who lose control of their emotions, and suddenly are screaming horrible things at the refs, opposing players, the coaches, and too often, at their own kids who are playing in the game.
You know what I’m talking about….
The good news is that over the last 25 years since we’ve been addressing this issue, the number of out of control parent incidents have come down in number. Two decades ago, we were dealing with a true national epidemic of parents who felt entitled to yell and scream at their kids’ games. Refs and umps were being physically attacked by parents in parking lots after the games…and sometimes, even during the games.
Parents would confront coaches about their kid’s lack of playing time…and get in their face right after the game…and occasionally at half-time.
Parents would scream and yell at not just their kid during the game…but also take the bold move of yelling at their kid’s teammates to pass the ball, or to hustle more, or to play better defense, or whatever. These parents had no shame in yelling at the kids of other parents!
Mind you, these parents were not inebriated…or high on drugs….or mentally unstable…no, these are Moms and Dads who live in the community, who send their kids to school, have jobs, and by all conventional standards, are fairly well adjusted people….except that when it comes to their kids and sports, they just can’t seem to keep their emotions under control.
I recall that Oprah Winfrey even invited me to be on her national TV show to discuss the issue. When I met with her before the show, she said to me: “Rick, I don’t much about sports….and I don’t have any kids….but I know that sports parents are totally losing control at their kids’ games.”
And she was absolutely right.
Back 20 years ago, the problem was so bad that lot and lots of communities instituted mandatory sports parenting seminars which every Mom and Dad had to attend BEFORE their kid was allowed to play on a local youth team. If you as the parent didn’t go through the seminar, or didn’t attend, your kid paid the price. He or she couldn’t register to play in the games.
There was an article in the Wash Post a few months ago in which I was interviewed about what we have learned from those dark days….and you know me: I have always maintained that there should be a zero tolerance policy for sports parents at games….if you can’t keep your mouth shut, or say only positive things, then when you cross the line, either the ref, or ump, or league official will stop the game, ask you to leave immediately….and most importantly, you are banned for the rest of the season. No exceptions. No alibis.
Your kid can keep playing….it’s not his or her fault that their parent is a jerk. But you have just forfeited your privilege of going to their games.
I honestly don’t understand why parents don’t get this very simple mandate. Somehow, I guess they feel they are entitled to be obnoxious at sporting events because they have paid some sort of fee to have their kid on the team. Somehow, it’s like paying for a ticket for a pro game which gives you the right to be obnoxious at those games too.
Anyhow, the problem is….these situations still continue on. And I do think the root of this issue has to do with a sense of parental entitlement….which drives a lot of this anger, and somehow the parent feels they have a right to intervene.
I invite you to take a listen to the podcast. The phone calls are spirited as well as insightful.
